A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. - Erma Bombeck

A friend is someone who will bail you out of jail.
A best friend is the one sitting next to you saying "boy was that fun."
- The Maugles

A true friend stabs you in the front.
- Oscar Wilde

A friend is one who has the same enemies as you have.
- Abraham Lincoln

He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.
- Oscar Wilde

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.
- Erma Bombeck

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
- Oscar Wilde

Marriage is a sort of friendship recognized by the police.
- Anonymous

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx

Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to crack.
Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces.
- Anne Morrow Lindbergh

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.
- Erma Bombeck

Most people enjoy the inferiority of their best friends.
- Lord Chesterfield

Contrary to general belief, I do not believe that friends are necessarily the people you like best, they are merely the people who got there first.
- Peter Ustinov

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.
- George Carlin

Nine-tenths of the people were created so you would want to be with the other tenth.
- Horace Walpole